Article by Regiena Siy
Edited by Aaron S. Medina
Photos by Kurt Tan
Editor’s Note: The beauty of this article lies in its satirical nature. Therefore, even if it contains truths the writer wants to convey, it has to be read from a satirical and humorous light.
This isn’t the first pandemic that ever happened in history, but it’s the first pandemic the present generation has experienced, so it’s understandable for people to develop some strange habits to cope with the situation.
Some are coping well enough to build a home gym or become a plant parent and others have decided to explore “the great indoors”, as if their picture frames have magically sprouted portals to Narnia. Most of these habits are acceptable enough, but below is a list of things that you should definitely avoid doing during a pandemic.
- Disinfect everything in paranoia
It’s important to stay safe, but is it really necessary to drench each piece of chicken nugget in alcohol before eating it? Do they even still taste like chicken nuggets? Maybe it’s enough to disinfect the plastic bag and the packaging, since those are the surfaces that have the most human contact but please, leave those chicken nuggets in peace.
2. Spend too much time on social media
Dealing with a pandemic is already bad enough, but you’re also at constant risk of losing all your brain cells when browsing through social media.
3. Binge-watch everything on Netflix
That’s a lie. Binge-watch all you want in order to give some semblance of meaning to the never-ending void that is quarantine, but before you move to the next episode, stop and ask yourself the following questions: When was the last time I had human interaction? When was the last time I saw daylight? Will I ever get a good night’s sleep with the combination of my Netflix addiction and academic pressure?
4. Worry about snobbing people
It’s easy to not notice when people are waving at you, whether it’s because you’re sabaw or have poor eyesight or maybe a combination of both. But you don’t have to worry about accidentally snobbing your acquaintances anymore because you’re wearing your full 18th century plague regalia, and no one will recognize you anyway.
5. Hoard groceries
It’s not the apocalypse. There are no zombies threatening to eat you. You’ll have to go out again at some point, so you don’t need to buy 20 packs of instant noodles at once. You’re already full of salt.
6. Pick fights with your siblings
They can and will sabotage your Zoom calls one day…although they’re likely to do that anyway unprovoked, so fight them all you want.
7. Shop online all day, everyday
You’re currently waiting for more than 5 packages to arrive at your doorstep, but you decide to scroll through Shopee again because you’re bored. Before you know it, you’ve added 10 more things to your cart, and you somehow hit the check-out button by accident. Stop it. You’re going to be stuck indoors for the rest of the foreseeable future; please don’t live life smothered under a pile of packages.
8. Bake every single day
It’s good that you found a new hobby, but it seems like the rest of the world has the same hobby now because people have started hoarding flour instead of toilet paper. Also, how much cookies have you made since quarantine started? Who has been eating them? Please remember to share your blessings to those in need and those who are just fond of cookies in general. Thanks in advance.
9. Lavish too much attention on your pets
They’ve seen your face everyday for the last 5 months, you probably haunt their dreams. Leave them alone. They’re only pretending to enjoy your company because they want food.
10. Start a revolution
It might be tempting, but you can’t practice social distancing in a revolution. You might as well reenact Les Miserables in your bedroom instead.
In the end though, these are only suggestions that are not meant to be taken too seriously. There are no specific rules on how to deal with a pandemic. As long as you’re following the health and safety protocols, what you choose to do during your free time is entirely up to you.
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